Mee Siam Mai Hum

Monday, June 06, 2011

It's an overdue project, which has reduced the post-counts cited on some other posts to newly false numbers. Went through my entire archives and published all the blogposts I'd once hesitated over publishing, with edits and comments from a 'future self'. Didn't publish all of them of course, the raw hanging ones that are no more than 2 pregnant lines long I consigned to oblivion.

It took me slightly more than half a night to do it. The first 300 posts or so have virtually no 'drafts', but as things worked out the next 322 had something like 200 uncompleted drafts. I used to post so unhesitatingly, and with such unbroken rhythm too. Something happened midway, habits change I guess.

It really is reflective of how I used to live life, having the time and space to remember everything that happened in a given day. Much as most of it was teenage whining and angst it reflected a deeper appreciation of the friends around me. I cited people by name, communicated with them knowing that they would check my blog - for lack of better things to do with their time. Which is such a quaint situation isn't it, nothing better to do with their time than consciously stay updated on the happenings of a friend's life.

That inquisitiveness and curiosity should be inversely proportional with the complexities of life is strange. Time passes, and our lives and memories spin out of control. We build on past memories by acting on them. Unless we let go of past burdens we are deterministically forced, trammeled on a set path. Poked by a nameless formless shepherd whose only job is to poke you.

And there was that post - about an infinite existence only being tolerable if we were permitted to forget. You know, sometimes finite existences are helped along by forgetting as well. If I were to bear the shame and embarrassment of all those hundreds of incidents in the past I should scarcely be free to be the person I am now.

Oh crap I digressed. The more complex life gets the less people are bothered with the most intricate of details surrounding other people's lives. Suggesting that we only have room for so much in our lives.

Back when most people I knew maintained a blog, and those who didn't were tech-dinos, we all did quizzes together that we posted on our respective blogs. I actually did get started on many of those quizzes I was tagged on. Plowing through the drafts revealed many answers that gave me many a nervous chuckle.

I just posted all of them. What else could I do with them, I mean. Few people are actually going to plow through everything anyway, and there's enough content to bore the socks off of people before they get to the meat.

All the half-worded sorrows of debating, which I gave up on to sleep things off. The things that mattered the most I kept out of the blog, because it was a public domain. It's a very good approximation of everyday life, considering what goes on. To-do lists that reflect how much of a struggle life used to be, compared with the lazy day-to-day I now enjoy. It used to be an hour-by-hour scramble, weeks and weeks on end.

Some posts might actually have changed the course of things. There's quite a bit of expressiveness which characterizes my 'rich inner life'. I still pick up what I meant by certain cryptic statements, and remember why I didn't post them. So much second-thinking and third-guessing myself.

Many of them were just lazy uncompleted spiels. Pretty first paragraphs with a promise of more to follow, but empty. Things ranging from RMUN 2008 to APYLS 2010. I wish I had bothered filling them in, rather than rushing out essays and preparatory documents for the next such conference.

I remember funny blogs maintained by funny friends about funny things and funny people. I always wanted to write like that, but my sense of humor is dry (in all senses). And you don't feel very inclined laughing at my blogskin, even if you remember the Turkwa incidents.

Posts like these give some finality to the blogging enterprise. This might as well be a eulogy for this dank, gray blog. But it won't be. Given how many resolutions I've made to 'blog more', and how many times these resolutions have found themselves on my blog. Along with so many other unfulfilled ones.

This stays alive for now :)

2L @ 10:05 PM
"Sorry also must exprain"
------------

Hello Uncle...Bah Chor Mee one. I want chilli plus tur Kwa plus can I watch your CCTV playback of Jeff Lopez...=D